Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
