Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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