Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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