I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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