We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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