the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
