He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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