My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
