I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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