I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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