I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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