Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
