so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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