I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
