his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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