My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
