If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
