And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
