If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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