look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
