I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
