My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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