I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
