If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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