I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A+ Viking dick
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
