i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
