He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
