Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
