I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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