is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
