I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
