Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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