He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
