Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
