I just made out with a guy for $7.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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