Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
