In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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