shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
