I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
