Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
