When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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