due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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