woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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