oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
