8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
