Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
