The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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