I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
