so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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