it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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