College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
