I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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